"Bro, that person is not your friend"
"An acquaintance, maybe, but definitely not your friend."
That was the response I got after my narration. And perhaps, that was all I needed to fix up.
I needed to face the truth, head on. I love friendships. But, las las, all friend no be friend. It is what it is!
The term "friend" these days refers to many sorts of relationships. Many, quite unworthy of the title in its true sense.
Because, the truth is, genuine friendship has significant cost implications (time, inconvenience, clear communication, commitment, vulnerability, accountability, thoughtfulness and empathy, emotional and material sacrifices).
Not all "friends" signed up for these, really.
What some people truly seek is a convenient association, an activity partner, a standby companion, an on-call helper, a social buddy, a friendly colleague or jovial acquaintance, etc. And you can't really blame them for wanting what they want.
So, don't be too quick to set up friendship expectations purely based upon your own idealisation. Don't be too hard on people, and on yourself. Be careful to resist the urge of assuming that your idea of the "friendship" is the same as the other party's, to avoid 'friendship frustration'.
If you are a friendship lover, like me, your heart may make this a little hard. But try. If you pay attention enough, you can eventually realise the proper definition of what exists between you guys, and you can intentionally adjust your expectations or investments accordingly.
It may be a little heartbreaking or disappointing, but nobody will die! Rather, you will be better guided and definitely less stressed. You will be alright, las las.
Life is complex enough. Friendship should make it easier, right?
Happy Friendship-ing!
