Penitent's Plea

No Retreat. No reparation
This is not that kind of sin
To request forgiveness is
To thrust some more in
The knife that pierced her skin

I'm sorry Father
For the hurt my thoughts might bring
A tender innocent soul
That does surely not deserve
The lust my depths conceal

To ask for mercy is luxury
I know I even remotely can't afford
Just grant me you will
Catch her precious heart
When I miss my step and fall

Look What you've Done

Life was simple
Till you smiled
In that pretty long dress
Everything changed!

There standing
A two-legged tripod
I became. Hypnotised
By the scent of your candid soul
And corners of your gorgeous frame
The steady texture of your tones
Enticing me more
This is chaos!

But please stay
Let's take one more sip of chance
Let's drive some more into the night
Give me a moment more to try
To find my feet again

I'll say goodnight tomorrow
If today was just a dream
Till then I'll embrace these shadows
Wow!
Look what you've done to me.

I Loved You, GT!

You prayed for the change you felt you needed and it didn't come but you waited.
You were constantly reminded by people and events its necessity so you persisted.
Now after so long you feel it kicking and you are no longer sure how to receive it.
It's a strange feeling...now you're kinda reluctant to accept you would still need it.

I think I'm finally changing and I want to be excited but I'm missing me so badly already.
And if actually, you find me to be different or strange, I'm sorry. I hope you would still love me. If not, I hope a voice, somewhere in your heart will say "I loved you GT!".

I Can't Afford It

I can’t spend a second trying
To convince myself
I could give-in and survive
These schemes, distraction and things
Luring my competence
“GT, come play!”
Don’t say how much
I’ll have to pay.
Not now, not today
Anyway.
“No, you can't!” said a second, trying
My transaction.
With the complete amount within,
My mind's hands withdraw
Slowly, bowing the pitiable face,
I turn away.

“Sorry. I can’t afford it”

I can’t spend another moment listening.
They might be right,
I might consider.
I can’t afford to stay
So I walk
Away from the happiness & freedom
They offer
A good deal;
“I’m doing just as good as you,”
Even better;
"Can’t you see?
You’re a deprived version of me."
Okay. Okay, I think I agree
but still….

I can’t afford…

To steal her gift
Just because I hold it.
Then after I’ve sold it
Pretend to love her
But owe her forever.
I’m sorry,
I can’t afford it.

His grace is sufficient, efficient.
Forgiveness, enough for a life time.
It’s all mine
To receive if I ask.
How could I refuse it?
Why should I misuse it?
“Don’t abuse it!”
Was the instruction that came along.
But "We'll get even later," now lets play along,
They say, to coerce conscience.
I wish we could, more convincingly,
Prove them wrong!

But I try
To once in a while
Figure things out.
When? Why? “would I ever spend it all?”
Maybe, maybe not.
I can't foretell my lot but I'll keep all I’ve got
Till life’s December
And the next
And most probably won’t regret
How long I waited for the next page;
The Exchange.
‘Cos I really never had it all.
On a second thought
I shall always remember
My life has been bought
With a price of unearthly worth.

So I’m sorry. I can’t give it away.
Not now, not today.
I simply can’t afford it!

The Perfect Shoe

I found a beautiful shoe
It wasn't my favourite blue
So I cast it aside and continued my search
I had to forfeit it for you

But I found another shoe
And this time it was blue
But not quite the shade, although it was close
I wouldn't mistake it for you

So where's my perfect shoe
With that perfect shade of blue.
I know you are there, won't settle for less
I'll seek till I find you
And to the mockers that stare
I'll give them no ear
'cos they'll have to find theirs too. ha ha!

COMMENT
Getting things we desire when we desire them is usually not as easy as guessing where the sun will rise from. In the course of our search or strive for what we desire, most times, we find some 'good-enoughs' which tempt us to consider searching no further.

"After-all, we don't always get what we want", so "what assurance have we that what we have found so far isn't the possible closest to the 'perfect' we could get?",some may probe.

We can't be too sure, can we? but if I, sincerely, haven't exhausted my reachable search area, stretched my ability (to perceived limit), prayed convincingly hard enough and listened receptively enough for the available space of time within which the necessity of my desire remains valid then taking anything less could be justified as hypocritical to my professed desire.

Notions like "When the desirable is not available, the available becomes the desirable" often only threaten determination to achieve the best. However, not so easily for those who realize one truth. The unavailability of the desirable is most times only within limits of timing and effort (resources and determination). If these are not exhausted then one may only be justified to assert that "When the desirable is not available-for how much effort one is ready to spare and within the limit of time one is willing to search-, the then available becomes the then desirable". For nothing is truly unavailable to the man who hasn't tried all he could for as long as he could.

So weigh it! Take what you've found knowing you searched only so much -and stand the risk of regret- or keep on the search till you find the perfect shoe or discover it doesn't exist-which you couldn't have been sure of if u didn't try hard enough.

~ WHY DO GIRLS TEND TO BE SO ...?!?!?!

If I woke up one morning to realize I have become sexist I may not be too shocked. I'll just come to terms with the reality of it, drag myself into the bathroom and while under the shower, seek reasons to feel remorse for my stance.



So "GT, why the unusual tone”. I'll explain.

I once read a write up by a friend asking WHY DO GUYS TEND TO BE SO POSSESSIVE?!?!?!. I found it personally interesting especially for its wry humour knowing little that I might find need to ask something similar bout GIRLS sometime later. Anyways, I am writing this and saying all I shall be saying here because some experiences have driven me to that point where you choose to ease yourself by screaming out "What is this! I really can't take this anymore!!" like that would scare your 'adversaries' away. Well, maybe this may seem as just 'ginger' (a slightly aggressive way of expressing feelings which most times doesn't make significant contribution to the subject) like some would describe it. However, having been pretty much a girl-person, I find it most relevant at this point to pass a message to all who care to listen (read). But first, I would like to ask, pretty sincerely, WHY DO MOST GIRLS TEND TO BE SO?!?!?!.

Okay, I agree "?!?!?!" is pretty ambiguous so I have decided to specify a few aspects of what I mean.

CRYPTIC:
I don't seem to grasp why most girls are so unnecessarily secretive, slippery and difficult to understand. And, yes! They do it consciously. I have loads of female friends of whom I would be being too brave to claim to really know or understand. They always have things to 'keep out' from conversations and the entire need-to-know-each-other-better process. There is always too much "you shouldn't see", "you shouldn't know" and "don't worry/bother", "never mind" - if you are the outspoken type who will actually make open requests. And for things such as expressing emotions...I've had to do lots of work equivalent to a studying for a SAT exam just to decode how a girl feels about 'us’, a friendship or certain other issues. They will hardly ever speak out their feelings, it must be the guy. "He should be sensitive enough". "He should understand". "He should find out" (from where?). "He should know, somehow"...bla bla bla…as if guys are some detective dudes that must do all they can to get evidence from a mute witness-girls-who can’t just be expressive enough. Where on earth did they all even get that orientation from? "Nonsense to them!!!!" ['Ogembo' - Emmanuel Sogein]


INDECISIVE:
"What do girls want?" I don't know! So don't ask me! Don't even ask them 'cos they also don't know. Try and see. 'Cos I have...many guys have. Most girls want too much more than they need; even the mutually exclusive things. Of course they won't say them all at once but just keep listening. Just keep watching their cravings and 'decoding' (since that's what we must do to thrive with them) their highly encrypted responses and you'll realize. They can't seem to make up their mind easily between good and better. Sometimes I am tempted to see it as some complex shade of greed that keeps urging them to have them both- even if it means not admitting their preference of one over the other. And expectedly, this often costs more. Well, not always cash; emotions too. Okay, this is what I mean. She wants to be 'free' from mandatory commitments in a relationship but doesn’t mind getting the 'love' and company and all that can be got for free while the guy is still very optimistic. To ward off the expected 'plunge', she would need to keep demanding more patience tactfully enough not to sound a "NO!" that would snap him. However, to sustain the supply of attention she would have to keep close (frequently enough so as not to be gotten over) and perform periodic 'hope-raisers' to rejuvenate slacked sectors. But knowingly or unknowingly to her, this takes him up and down an emotional roller coaster while leaving him unable to resist another ride even after he may have vowed never to return. Pathetic! For goodness sake "If you are not free then pay the price of not being free!" [Pius Ile]

Another case is where she must finally choose one when she has more than one that fit. One feels very comfortable and would serve very well for now, considering her present daily schedule. The other is a better match for the dress she is intends to wear for the wedding which is a couple of months away. She knows she shouldn’t have them both and that the wedding is necessity and should be given clear and obvious priority but she also can't summon the courage to abandon the other which strongly appeals to her comfort. So she keeps both, knowing she wouldn’t have to pay the extra cost alone. In cases where the items involved are guys, the cost is again paid with emotions. The ' for now' guy would surely feel regret. Except, of course, he equally only bargained for that. And the ‘wedding’ guy wouldn’t feel too proud either if he found out.

This bid to 'eat your cake and have it' is surely not something whose outcome guys like me would find anything short of annoying. Especially when it involves people and when emotions are at stake. Can’t they just decide what they want?! I mean, just choose! 'haba!'

*Sorry, I need to go to bed so I'll stop here for now. If when I wake up I am still not sexist, I'll most probably continue in the same tone. Otherwise...I can't be sure what the rest of the write-up will read. Later!*

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all.
Slim, fat, short or tall.
Light, dark, big or small.

Mirror Mirror, look again.
'cos to me they look the same.
Outside is beautiful, inside is lain
an armed damsel; your dreams could be slain.

Mirror Mirror show me how
to know them, please show me now.
I seek a tender maid not a cow.
But only thou knowest, only thou.

Mirror Mirror on the wall
so who's the fairest of them all.
Shy, vivid, quiet or loud.
Reveal this mystery, clear this cloud

This Is Reality

What a way to say 'welcome'!
just one day and i already feel it shouldn't stay.
Yes. It was about real issues.
maybe a little too real.
Well,
the payback feels pretty real too.
i guess that's reality for you


Welcome to a world where swords are made from words.
poetry is a weapon
headed towards the writer.
so how could i have found it
a panacea of relief.
I'm puzzled!
maybe I'm taking it too hard
or maybe that's just reality for you.


Dear Lord,
please help me write better poems and
please, please
please help others to learn
how to read and interpret them
so that i will once again feel like sharing.
cos this wasn't a nice welcome.
but apparently,
that's just reality for you.

Which Exactly Are You?

foolish men despise the truth
smart men manipulate the truth
strong men challenge the truth
real men simply admit the truth
which exactly are you?

foolish men deny their emotions
smart men mask their emotions
strong men control their emotions
real men sincerely probe their emotions
which exactly are you?

foolish men let their desire murder their conscience
smart men let their desire convince their conscience
strong men separate their desire from their conscience
real men step aside, take a while to think again and seek advice.
which exactly are you?

Petal-less rose

I cry for you O beautiful one.
I cant seem to stop the tears from forming
and eventually rolling off my eyes each time i think of you.
You had beauty that tingled men's imaginations
and aroused dreams in many.
fragrace that earned secret praises and respect
from all who had a taste for purity.
you had that scent.
even before you sprouted into the view of anxious eyes
and grasp of filthy fingers.
But then, unlike now,
they couldnt see it.
their eyes were too big to.
And you,
your eyes were too small to.


i feel for you, beautiful one!
Really.
Is this what is left of you?
Dust patterns as camouflage for your lost charm;
dancing aimlessly to the rhythm of false winds of excitement;
a bid to escape the sight of the truth that now hunts you.
tell me.
I want to know.
Is this you? now petalless.
is this you
who will someday be presented to another on the isle of sincerity?


I want to hear from you, beautiful one.
What is left of you now?
What is left to have or to hold?
what love shall you claim for the one whose treasure you willfully gave to another;
and whose package you've unsealed
and selfishly traded for your own pleasure.
do you not feel any guilt?
do you not feel any shame?
or do you just not care?


I'll pray for you beautiful one.
that you do not plant yourself in the shady hedge
where darkness shall daily clothe you.
where the stregth of your stalk shall daily dwindle
and ugly hands joyfully take a share of your remnant.

But I still love you, beautiful one.
and though you've lost the beauty i once saw
i'll still call you "beautiful"
beacuse the creator hasnt called you less.