Penitent's Plea

No Retreat. No reparation
This is not that kind of sin
To request forgiveness is
To thrust some more in
The knife that pierced her skin

I'm sorry Father
For the hurt my thoughts might bring
A tender innocent soul
That does surely not deserve
The lust my depths conceal

To ask for mercy is luxury
I know I even remotely can't afford
Just grant me you will
Catch her precious heart
When I miss my step and fall

Hard Chase

Like a mirage, I chase
You elude me
Charmed by your light
Hey, hello, hi, Excuse me
Exquisitely striding on
Yet effortlessly
You confuse me
With confidence and beauty
So elegant yet subtly
You refuse me

O, virtous woman!
Just a word or two
Let me hear you speak to me
You just might want this too
And If perharps you're shy
Then maybe just a nod would do
But don't expect I'll go
Before you taste my love for you

(Originally written 7th May, 2019)

Dead Men Don't Dance

We held our dusty hands
Paced steadily towards doom
Ten thousand men
From different ends of reality
charging into another
Breaths heavy as bricks
Hearts dipped in blood
Destiny came to spill
Today. This moment. Nothing Next.

Darkness everywhere
No future to see
But the fading soul of a fellow man
The widow and orphan in his eyes
The gates pf another hell
And the power of god
In the swing of my right arm
His farewell was brief

My tone, thirsting for water
Stuggles to forget the taste of blood
As five-year old innocence approaches
Proudly, swingong a wooden sword
Rejoicing with a tune on her lips
"Dance, Papa. Dance!"
"We crushed our enemies like ants"

No words to say
No muscle clould harken
All I saw was tears filling my eyes
How can she ever understand

Dead men dont dance!

(Originally written 5th June, 2019)

Seed and Juice

We found us a fruit
The seed and the juice
To split or to choose
We split and we lose
Your choice was the juice
Yout thought I'll refuse

But I didn't

Give me the seed
I have some faith
I'll put in some work
It will take some time

But I'll give you the sweetest juice
And I'll show you a fruit-ful plantation
Then you will call me a blessed man
I will smile in reply

"My brother, na God o!"

(Originally written 05/06/2019)

Things I Want

I want to love you

Every single day

Hold and touch you

In every single way

Whisper to your ears

Deep things

Unshareable

Yet fascinating

I want to call your name

In the sweetest possible tones

Softly, dramatically

Mischievously, majestically

Innocent and suggestlively

Every shade of loving

I want to be with you

Till my nose learns your scent

Eyes closed

I'll know when you're there

And all my clothes

Carry strands of your hair

I want to play

Fight and settle with you

Tease and prank you

Make you laugh recklessly

Shy and blush endlessly

I want to grow with you

Make mistakes and learn with you

Share regrets and joys

Make memories and milestones

I want to be your 'main gee'

Sincerent mirror

Biggest fan

Prayer partner

Surest friend

I want to entertain you

Performing exclusive act

Write you poems daily

Sing you songs often

Dance embarrassingly

Moves you've never seen

I want to go on and on

Many things I want

Inexaustible in words

Or maybe just three

I want you

To be happy, and with me

I want a life with you

And I want your response

(Originally written October 31, 2018)

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the sun will rise in the west and set in the east

The seas will become dry as land and deserts will hold water of oceans

Tomorrow, ice will be red-hot like coal and fire cool as snow

The rich shall beg and the poor will give 'em bread

Tomorrow and Today shall share only little likeness.

And yes, I believe and really don't care whether or not you do.

For tomorrow,

The lips of wise men shall utter folly

And wisdom shall dwell with those we called fools

Wonder not, my dear.

Wonder not!

Let tomorrow come.

Let God be true and all men liers.

Let kings bow and mightly men surrender.

Let them worship that thought they were lords.

And let them hide in shame that were clad in confidence

Let the young wonder while the old marvel

For the day will come

And the learned will learn again

It will surely come and then the unlearned will know

That as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than ours

So, fear not, My Soul!

Let tomorrow come [if He wills]

Let God be true and all men be liers!

Why Are They Changing Us?

Why are they changing us?
Why are they making us become like them?
The smart guys
Why are they...
Making us believe in selfishness
Nothing matters more than what we chase
"Help me make it or wait till I do"
see you...at the top...if you make it

Why are they succeeding?

With lies and pretense
It keeps people off your back and lets you advance
Then surprise!!!...with success
Cheer or feel fooled
Surely, a handshake is preferable to regret

Why can't true relationships thrive?
A penny or a hand...there has to be something to gain
Else, whats the point?

Whats wrong?
They honour victory over virtue
They prefer present to potential
The good guys get rewards
And the real good guys...
"They'll remain respected...in our hearts"

Where is my innocence?
Where is my drive to do things the right way?
Where is my adoration for sincerity?
I used to trust
I used to love wholeheartedly
I used to believe my senses
Now everything's twisted

What have they done to me?
What have they done to us?

We have to choose
To be good or to survive

You Knew (...It hurts)

It kills to know that you already knew
you’d apologize and I’ll forgive you
Even before you lunched the offense.
It kills to know you knew you would
“find a way” to 'make up'
for the time you selfishly spent on things
which were to your benefit alone while I needed you
...because you knew “it would pass.”

Oh it hurts! It hurts to know you knew
I wouldn’t stay away or be silent forever,
so you went on, not caring…not bothering how I felt
because you knew it wouldn’t always be like this.
It hurts when you gently pierce my emotions
with your acquaintance of the future
because soon the blade will be withdrawn and put down,
you knew that. It Kills!

I want to blame you but how can I?
Apparently, you were right.
I forgave you, I would.
I’ll not be silent or keep away forever.
I smiled when you returned from achieving the world for yourself,
I was happy for all you achieved.
And that terrible phase…It passed, like you had anticipated.
It seemed new…a successful reconciliation, a re-acceptance.
With maturity, it didn’t hurt that bad anymore.

You were right. You won!
You used the future against me and it worked, perfectly.
Can I blame you? Or should I simply admit that
the future is a weapon available to all
and those who can hold it and use it skillfully enough
will always win, and regret little?
Probably...but it hurts…
when I’m pierced with the future.
It kills to know you will do it again and again
and again until the future changes.

I'm not gon' change my song

All seated.
Filaments heated,
Beaming with expectation from all angles
Cue given
One breathe is not deep enough
And does not ease enough
So with lids shut I take another
"OK, Lets do this!"

Wait!! this feels different;
These people; this stage
And wait...no, that's not my song playing
C'mon!!! not for this long.
Hey...this is not my song!
Yes...yes, I know this one
But this is not the one for today
I'm puzzled!

But who can hear
Beyond this silence and sighs of seeming confidence
Many emotions, many questions
Many tunes playing at once
Should I change my song?

Another second gone
And I'm still on poise
like Chiffon for a bullet
I wear hope for these rays
Piecing through my skin
As we all wait
I anticipate the second, 'Future'
Yes, my heart to wait a moment longer
'Cos this is not my song!
Mine has got much cheer and joy in its notes
Mine is a victor's song
I'm not gon' sing this one
I'm not gon' change my song

I live, I Thank You

I live
I learn
I grow
I look back
I smile

I reminisce the days
I remember my ways
I regret my stupidity
I admit my mistakes
I laugh at my 'jonesing'

I probe my strategies
I acknowledge the challenges
I review the processes
I assess the outcomes
I appreciate the experiences -

I probed love;
I discovered man can't
I questioned friendship;
I caught the trick

I sought God;
I found satisfaction
I kept seeking;
I saw more -

I look down
I realize
I am higher
I look up
I thank You!

Search Me...Guide Me

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
~Psalm 139:23-24~

"May my prayer be set before you like incense;
may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.
Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil,
to take part in wicked deeds
with men who are evildoers;
let me not eat of their delicacies.
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it..."
~Psalm 141: 2-5~

One More Commandment

..and if I could add one more commandment it would be "THOU SHALT SAY NOT WHAT THOU MEANETH NOT neither out of politeness/courtesy nor seeming momentary necessity". I know it sounds pretty close to "THOU SHALT NOT LIE" but maybe having a second one to back it would reduce how much 'acceptable deception' exists in the world today.

I Can't Wait

I can't wait for the dawn
When I shall rise to seek you.
I can't wait to leave the noise of the day
And retire to your feet; to the sweetness of our communion.
I can't wait to share my testimony;
For in your time you make it beautiful.
I can't wait to see that child turn back to you
Tell me; what do i have to do
I can't wait to write you another song
I'll just keep singing it raw from my heart all day long.
Because, Lord. I simply can't live without you!

I Am Not Afraid

I am not afraid to 'lose' a battle which I wasn't fighting. And I am not a coward not to fight a fight whose victory is merely another form of defeat.

That Virtue!

Let the silence speak.
Let the seconds tick.
After all is said and done
It all boils down to one;
What is left?
Pride or regret?
Where’s the truth in what was felt?
What was kept?
In the end, metal or prints changing hands,
With the emotion the moment demands
Shall speak for the past
So we know at last
Whose choices were wise.
Wait till silence is otherwise.

Lord, I know being less outspoken and expressive would change a lot 'bout me and my relationships with people but, I believe, it would help a lot if you taught me to be more silent by just the right amount!

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THRESHOLD

"Shut up!", she yelled, with sufficient rage in her tone to pass the message accurately enough not to be mistaken for a friendly command. The succeeding silence was not without much shock, immensely surprised heads stretching from study cubicles, sparse murmurs and attention drawn to one corner of the chilly ground floor of the library. Only one head seemed not to bear any expression deposited from the one-and-a-half second sound three seconds ago which had rapidly changed the mood of the room; her's. Her focus was fierce, guarded with palms on both sides of her head; she needed every drop of it which she had just gone the mile to secure. Whether that was uncalled-for, insensitive or totally manner-less would be resolved later. No one confronted her then; they either lacked courage or information. Her reaction therefore remained puzzling to almost everyone till the staff, identified by the school ID Card hung over his neck, walked in.

"I just couldn't take it anymore!", she explained. Her tone was lighter though laden with ample emotion as she swerved into a chronological account of the moments afore on the librarian's request. The library was the only place that held a promise for quiet study for students of her kind on the campus on such busy weekdays. Exams had begun for some and it soon would for others. For her, it was her finals. "These people. Same thing. Every time!" she continued, stretching out her slender hands but vaguely pointing to any particular person as she went on. Her frustration was understood by most who kept an ear for the ongoing explanation while the lad at whom she stared and to whom she spoke managed to show only little expression as he listened. Soon after, she was done. "I understand, but you didn't have to be that loud", he queried after a brief sigh. There was a brief pause then "I'm sorry, it was just so annoying and frustrating". "It's okay, just keep it silent from now on, okay?", he said mildly. And turning away from her, he said again, in a louder tone "Keep it silent people; you know the rules!" then walked away just as he came.Those few minutes and the brief yell that preceded seemed to have made a lot of difference.The small-statured pretty-looking westerner in her gray pullover could continue her study and the level of noise that had triggered her reaction never surfaced again, at least not for the next four hours.

"We all have our limits, Luke" said Kelly as they walked down the corridor leading out of the library complex. The gentle-looking, tall, African guy walking beside her responded with a smile. She noticed it and added "I know, I overreacted or something but I didn't really mean to be rude or anything ...". "I know!" interrupted Luke. "I understand. It's okay sweetie", he added, pulling her closer to him and giving a peck somewhere close to the forehead. She knew he meant it- and he actually did- even though he hardly knew that side of her before their relationship. Before, she was only a soft-spoken, seemingly smart, shapely, blond classmate whom he had found it difficult getting his mind off. But that was then, he knew better now. He knew what could make her feel like the luckiest girlfriend on campus and what could switch her mood. Luke didn't actually see what happened back there though he was also in the library; he was on a different floor; they didn't always study together, but her account of the event was sufficient and the trigger qualified for the latter. "We all have our limits, baby" he said. Kelly smiled, flung her arms across his waist where she would keep it for the rest of the walk and they walked on. They were a cute couple. But Luke's decision not to query her for the unladylikeness wasn't just a cute move , it was wise. He had his limits too.

In fact we all do. I believe there is always that point that marks a transition, "the starting point for a new state or experience" in attitude or behaviour of both animate and inanimate things on this earth and it manifest in different ways. It could be that point when you just wanna scream your fury out into the air; that point where you stop being you and snap into another you; that point when you 'tear your shirt' and make up your mind to 'face it' head-on; or that point when your dam of discipline can seemingly no longer hold back the urge to shut-up the reckless word-hurling mouth before you with the fling of an arm. Otherwise, it could be that moment you decide to let-go someone or something you love for the better despite how hard for you, unfair to the other and unnecessary to others it may seem; or the moment you realize your repeated failure is no defeat and rise to challenge the uncertainty of success like you've never done before; or the moment you begin to "flee" from certain encounters instead of risking another fall under the pretense that you would "overcome", despite how ludicrous some people may perceive it. It is that moment you realize things just can't afford to remain the same. That is the point...the Threshold.

What matters is not whether or not we could be bent till we snap - because we all could - or how we ought to react at snap-points - because we are all different - but the nature of our plasticity as visible from our thresholds, its manifestation and the events it ushers. This differs from person to person and from issue to issue. Certain people are more tolerant than others on certain issues than on others. Some have so trained or been trained that their thresholds on many matters have been pushed too far away to be reached by everyday odds and people (possibly why extreme measures such as in interrogation and torture are employed sometimes to 'break' suspects into giving away themselves or others), others are just that way by nature. There however, exist a breed that would never snap even at the face of 'fatal' triggers. Though this is uncommon, it is possible and sometimes a necessary skill to possess. But considering the average individual, every human would break if bent hard enough; that point is his threshold and it usually ushers an unusual phase, response or reaction which differs too. For Kelly, it was a loud "shut-up!" for a noisy library; for the guy in a relationship thorned by too many heartbreaking ups and downs, it could be a sudden 'it's-over-ish' statement or attitude to his partner;for the simple-hearted friend whose generousity has been taken for granted too often, it may come as a sudden display of cynicism and distrust.

We sure cannot and are not expected to know every one we see or meet so precisely as to predict their every move and reaction. However, there are certain truths we must not fail to keep in mind. Having noted that people have limits and it differs, while relating and interacting we must learn them and observe their tolerance level and threshold reaction on various issues so as not to mistakenly step too hard on their toes or be blown away by their 'explosion' even when we could predict they had had a little too much. Friends, colleagues and even strangers could act or react - and do strange, extreme and incredibly unbelievable things - in ways we never had imagined if pushed hard enough.

While we note that positive thresholds and extremes also exist, we must be more conscious about the negative ones as the results go accordingly. The results of negative triggers could be fatal to relationships. Words said and wrongs done may be forgiven but hardly forgotten. Distrust and silent hatred could be planted in hearts and would remain even if they never grow. Regret, plenty of explanation, apology, and lots of time would often go in in attempt to fix such results , however, with no guarantee things could be fixed back to exactly how they were before. So be warned!

For us, we must look into ourselves too. How easily do we break when triggered negatively and how much would it take to push us past our positive thresholds? That, indeed, defines reasonable our personality, strengths and weaknesses. Would we stick with a wrong or an unpleasant act or path until something (event) very humiliating or terribly heart-breaking gives us a push or would little experiences and friendly advice be enough to spur us to take the challenge to do the right and necessary? Are we very sensitive to offenses so much that our wall of reactions is usually only a few insulting words, hits below the belt, and disappointments behind us? Your threshold speaks a lot and means a lots too. Beware!

It's a two-way thing and matters much. It may be instinctive but could be observed, understood and kept in check. It is a critical point; the Threshold. Be aware!

The SoLOiST

...Played same notes for a few bars, plied same route at some point, were mates sometime. He was just realizing; we are mere cohorts of individuality. Sad as it felt, this feeling didn't erupt from inexperience. He had been too reluctant to accept reality when it hinted and, yes, he felt foolish but was justifiable. What he couldn't figure out was why he was the only one who lacked that consciousness then. But actually he wasn't and would have realized that if his emotions were more in-tact at the moment. There were others who took those youthful days with as much ignorance or slackness as he but he wouldn't be consoled by that.

There was no time to wish for a rollback, crying in the silence of depression wouldn't help either. Cynicism may, he considered. It was an extreme he never believed in but it now felt necessary. So he made a resolution and ,slowly, steadily evolved into the man who would later be named a name that describes his present life, perspective and act...THE SOLOIST.

It was now perfectly clear. We were born into the same home but different destinies. We have walked through the same years or number of years but different experiences. Even if we had the same qualification, we sure have different ability. We are different people, individuals. We are all on our own. Therefore, being who he now was was not a decision he had to make. It was a pre-existing status he merely had to realize, operate as, and get used to - which he hoped he would. He was ready.

Twenty-two year old Maxwell Thames, sprawled on his fluffy Tabriz rug, reached out for a remote control lying about one feet away from his left hand, felt around the buttons for a few seconds with his fingers then, pointing it forward, made some music play from the stereo set standing somewhere close-by, about three metres away from his feet. Dropping back the remote, both arms swept an angle at the elbow and found his palms behind his head where they met, intercepting his head from the rug. Then his eyes closed as his mind wandered a few years back.

It was the Redwood High School days, 1992. Schooling was fun, especially with his bunch of friends and their variety of craziness. It wasn't a very big group. They were five but that was just the core. The entire circle was larger with people joining and leaving, active then inactive, fighting and bonding. That was how it was for the entire period from fourth to fifth grade. But the five remained relatively together. Everything was just fine, academics too. Though they weren't scoring the same marks in the weekly class quiz, it wasn't bad enough to throw them apart. Jun usually scored the highest among the five and sometimes in the entire class and they all knew it. Even before the marked sheets would arrive, guesses would be on the wait and on some crazy days bets. Pretty often, the argument was whether or not he will break his 'record' this time. "I say yes," Max would usually say and that would almost automatically throw his usual 'rival', Gab on the other end; "no! mine is a no!" Her name was actually Gabriella but she acted too much like a 'he' for the name. She was a tomboy, but a really cute one, though she didn't look it. Her braided hair, un-made-up face and dressing was never enough to give her away if she hadn't spoken or been in a conversation. You could hardly notice her boyishness from afar but close up her energy and sarcasm were a mismatch for her fully feminine face and figure. Of course, not for the group. They were used to her, everyone else among them and themselves.

Audrey and Debby would take our sides too while the owner of the script had a good time and took his - even he could never be too sure what the outcome of day's assessment would be. On some other days the bet would be if he would 'top' again or not. Whoever lost would have to give up a reasonable portion of his lunch for that day for those on the other side and take some serious ridicule. But lunch would still be fun, loud and attracting a lot of attention as usual. Their closeness was envied by many of their mates but that didn't matter much. They simply rolled on. Teenage-hood was exciting. [to be continued...]

~ WHY DO GIRLS TEND TO BE SO ...?!?!?!

If I woke up one morning to realize I have become sexist I may not be too shocked. I'll just come to terms with the reality of it, drag myself into the bathroom and while under the shower, seek reasons to feel remorse for my stance.



So "GT, why the unusual tone”. I'll explain.

I once read a write up by a friend asking WHY DO GUYS TEND TO BE SO POSSESSIVE?!?!?!. I found it personally interesting especially for its wry humour knowing little that I might find need to ask something similar bout GIRLS sometime later. Anyways, I am writing this and saying all I shall be saying here because some experiences have driven me to that point where you choose to ease yourself by screaming out "What is this! I really can't take this anymore!!" like that would scare your 'adversaries' away. Well, maybe this may seem as just 'ginger' (a slightly aggressive way of expressing feelings which most times doesn't make significant contribution to the subject) like some would describe it. However, having been pretty much a girl-person, I find it most relevant at this point to pass a message to all who care to listen (read). But first, I would like to ask, pretty sincerely, WHY DO MOST GIRLS TEND TO BE SO?!?!?!.

Okay, I agree "?!?!?!" is pretty ambiguous so I have decided to specify a few aspects of what I mean.

CRYPTIC:
I don't seem to grasp why most girls are so unnecessarily secretive, slippery and difficult to understand. And, yes! They do it consciously. I have loads of female friends of whom I would be being too brave to claim to really know or understand. They always have things to 'keep out' from conversations and the entire need-to-know-each-other-better process. There is always too much "you shouldn't see", "you shouldn't know" and "don't worry/bother", "never mind" - if you are the outspoken type who will actually make open requests. And for things such as expressing emotions...I've had to do lots of work equivalent to a studying for a SAT exam just to decode how a girl feels about 'us’, a friendship or certain other issues. They will hardly ever speak out their feelings, it must be the guy. "He should be sensitive enough". "He should understand". "He should find out" (from where?). "He should know, somehow"...bla bla bla…as if guys are some detective dudes that must do all they can to get evidence from a mute witness-girls-who can’t just be expressive enough. Where on earth did they all even get that orientation from? "Nonsense to them!!!!" ['Ogembo' - Emmanuel Sogein]


INDECISIVE:
"What do girls want?" I don't know! So don't ask me! Don't even ask them 'cos they also don't know. Try and see. 'Cos I have...many guys have. Most girls want too much more than they need; even the mutually exclusive things. Of course they won't say them all at once but just keep listening. Just keep watching their cravings and 'decoding' (since that's what we must do to thrive with them) their highly encrypted responses and you'll realize. They can't seem to make up their mind easily between good and better. Sometimes I am tempted to see it as some complex shade of greed that keeps urging them to have them both- even if it means not admitting their preference of one over the other. And expectedly, this often costs more. Well, not always cash; emotions too. Okay, this is what I mean. She wants to be 'free' from mandatory commitments in a relationship but doesn’t mind getting the 'love' and company and all that can be got for free while the guy is still very optimistic. To ward off the expected 'plunge', she would need to keep demanding more patience tactfully enough not to sound a "NO!" that would snap him. However, to sustain the supply of attention she would have to keep close (frequently enough so as not to be gotten over) and perform periodic 'hope-raisers' to rejuvenate slacked sectors. But knowingly or unknowingly to her, this takes him up and down an emotional roller coaster while leaving him unable to resist another ride even after he may have vowed never to return. Pathetic! For goodness sake "If you are not free then pay the price of not being free!" [Pius Ile]

Another case is where she must finally choose one when she has more than one that fit. One feels very comfortable and would serve very well for now, considering her present daily schedule. The other is a better match for the dress she is intends to wear for the wedding which is a couple of months away. She knows she shouldn’t have them both and that the wedding is necessity and should be given clear and obvious priority but she also can't summon the courage to abandon the other which strongly appeals to her comfort. So she keeps both, knowing she wouldn’t have to pay the extra cost alone. In cases where the items involved are guys, the cost is again paid with emotions. The ' for now' guy would surely feel regret. Except, of course, he equally only bargained for that. And the ‘wedding’ guy wouldn’t feel too proud either if he found out.

This bid to 'eat your cake and have it' is surely not something whose outcome guys like me would find anything short of annoying. Especially when it involves people and when emotions are at stake. Can’t they just decide what they want?! I mean, just choose! 'haba!'

*Sorry, I need to go to bed so I'll stop here for now. If when I wake up I am still not sexist, I'll most probably continue in the same tone. Otherwise...I can't be sure what the rest of the write-up will read. Later!*

My Statue Friend

I was alone, sitting on one of the benches in the park, partly shaded by a tree-which I believe was there for comfort in such lonely moments as then. After throwing out most of the pebbles I had picked from around the bench, I looked to my left and sighted a figure standing just a few steps away. The couple who just left had been blocking it. Its shape and posture was what first caught my attention. So I slowly walked to it for a better glance. I got right in front of it and looked at its face. It was female. I was suddenly elated by the expression on her still concrete face. It was a bright smile. But it seemed to be expressing more. I smiled back, stood there for a while then sat beside her. She became my new friend. After that day, I visited her very often. She always made me smile. She looked pretty old and wasn't the most beautiful of the other statues I had seen placed at different spots on the other parts of park-which most people would rather be- but I loved her. I loved her smile and I loved the way she always listened to me, whether I was sobbing or sharing my excitement. She seemed like the only person around, with whom I could feel free to be me. So I cherished that spot and hardly again visited the other side of the park. The park was no longer a place I strolled down to mostly when I felt bored, lonely or depressed and I always looked forward to being there; about the same time, almost every day.

But things suddenly changed. One early Tuesday morning, while many were yet to fully rise from their beds, I ran down to the park to say hello like I had done some other mornings. But things weren’t exactly like it used to be. I hadn’t said many words to her when I noticed the difference. She looked the same except for the smile. The smile was gone. I didn’t understand how and why. But it was gone. While I stood there trying to grasp the mystery behind what I beheld, my mouth stood still and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I hadn't finished what I was saying but it didn’t seem like she was listening anymore. I mean, she didn’t look interested. In fact the new expression on her face showed she may have been fed up with all I had been saying to her those other days when she was still smiling. I quickly ran down home with more tears rolling down as I ran. I was sad. Later that day, I decided to walk through the park on my way back home hoping my experience in the morning wasn’t real. I stood and looked from a few steps away; I didn’t go close to her like I would have done every other time. I really wished I, somehow, saw the smile again. But I didn’t. It was truly gone. However, as I sadly walked past in my disappointment, a guy (I think he was the park keeper) called me, “Son!”. I turned and he walked up to me. “She needed some work”, he said, adding that “she is one of our oldest. She has been here longer than all others in this park and needed some maintenance, especially on her face”. “Okay”, I replied-I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate response. He also told me he had noticed how regularly I came to the park to be with her and said “it’s okay pal. You’re free to keep coming. I’m here to keep her and everything else here safe. That includes those who come-by; and you”. “Thank you sir”, I replied, and quietly walked home.

Though I was glad to get an explanation as to how her smile had suddenly disappeared, we could no longer be close friends again. I could no longer talk to her like before and all the things I had said to her and all the time we had shared together now felt foolish to me. Why was I just realizing? She was just a statue! She was good company but she wasn’t actually there to be my friend. It was me who made one out of her. I had to move on. I somehow did and discovered she wasn’t the only thing that could make me happy. And she wasn’t the only good, listening and understanding friend I could have. I learned from the experience. I had to learn to be happy without her. I learned to live without her smile. Apparently, the power to smile and be happy was with me not her.

But what can I say to whoever took that smile away? Well, nothing actually. They probably didn’t know what that quaint smile meant to someone else or maybe they just didn’t care. I learned to see it as a privilege (and nothing to be prideful about) if something or someone else finds happiness and freedom to be themselves (and be as expressive as they want) with me or something I posses. I learned maturity.

I missed my statue friend and I don’t regret my moments with her and the things I had said to her. I believe she was there at that phase of my life to teach me the growth and maturity I hadn't learned from from anyone else.


"You can do without that thing you hold so dear to you, provided it does not form the essence of your being." - Pius Ile. Living With The Mindset of A Stranger

The Rain

I was inspired to write this song as an expression of the joy experienced when 'returning home' after wandering away or momentarily getting distracted from one's intimacy with the Father (God). In this lyrics, "rain" is used figuratively to refer to Gods' mercy that makes us clean again and takes us in. Hope you are inspired by it. Please drop a comment (suggestion or anything you want to say) after listening. Thanks!

Verses:
I never knew that I could stray
so far away from your embrace
I turned my back and walked away
forsook your mercy, love and grace

but never found love like You showed me
I broke your heart O' Lord I'm sorry
been with the crowd and been alone
Lord I just wan' come back home

The sky is changing, clouds are forming
your open arms are waiting for me
I feel the wind of hope and drops of mercy
I'm happy as can be
'Cos...(chorus)

Chorus:
I see the rain coming
the rain falling on me
it's gonna wipe away the stain
it's gonna wash away the shame
from me
the rain falling on me
it's gonna take away the pain
make me pure and whole again

Special thanks to Oluchukwu Chiazor (Oluchi) for doing the vocals