Penitent's Plea

No Retreat. No reparation
This is not that kind of sin
To request forgiveness is
To thrust some more in
The knife that pierced her skin

I'm sorry Father
For the hurt my thoughts might bring
A tender innocent soul
That does surely not deserve
The lust my depths conceal

To ask for mercy is luxury
I know I even remotely can't afford
Just grant me you will
Catch her precious heart
When I miss my step and fall

Look What you've Done

Life was simple
Till you smiled
In that pretty long dress
Everything changed!

There standing
A two-legged tripod
I became. Hypnotised
By the scent of your candid soul
And corners of your gorgeous frame
The steady texture of your tones
Enticing me more
This is chaos!

But please stay
Let's take one more sip of chance
Let's drive some more into the night
Give me a moment more to try
To find my feet again

I'll say goodnight tomorrow
If today was just a dream
Till then I'll embrace these shadows
Wow!
Look what you've done to me.

Hard Chase

Like a mirage, I chase
You elude me
Charmed by your light
Hey, hello, hi, Excuse me
Exquisitely striding on
Yet effortlessly
You confuse me
With confidence and beauty
So elegant yet subtly
You refuse me

O, virtous woman!
Just a word or two
Let me hear you speak to me
You just might want this too
And If perharps you're shy
Then maybe just a nod would do
But don't expect I'll go
Before you taste my love for you

(Originally written 7th May, 2019)

Never So Much

I have loved like a fool

Desired the chaos of souls colliding

Recklessly laid beside cold blades of chance

Seduced helplessly by hope

Terribly overwhelmed

By the existence of another

Mehn...

I have loved like a child

Clingy nights and colourful dreams

Unashamedly craving the simplest things

Dancing gleefully with an unguarded heart

Yet blindly trusting time

To be ever so kind

I have really loved

Like a songwriter and poet

I wrote, spoke and sang words

Broadcast my feelings

With no thought of regret

Never so much

Have I loved another soul

Like I have loved you

Things I Want

I want to love you

Every single day

Hold and touch you

In every single way

Whisper to your ears

Deep things

Unshareable

Yet fascinating

I want to call your name

In the sweetest possible tones

Softly, dramatically

Mischievously, majestically

Innocent and suggestlively

Every shade of loving

I want to be with you

Till my nose learns your scent

Eyes closed

I'll know when you're there

And all my clothes

Carry strands of your hair

I want to play

Fight and settle with you

Tease and prank you

Make you laugh recklessly

Shy and blush endlessly

I want to grow with you

Make mistakes and learn with you

Share regrets and joys

Make memories and milestones

I want to be your 'main gee'

Sincerent mirror

Biggest fan

Prayer partner

Surest friend

I want to entertain you

Performing exclusive act

Write you poems daily

Sing you songs often

Dance embarrassingly

Moves you've never seen

I want to go on and on

Many things I want

Inexaustible in words

Or maybe just three

I want you

To be happy, and with me

I want a life with you

And I want your response

(Originally written October 31, 2018)

Is That It?

Is that it?

Is that the love?

‘Chemistry’ of mounting emotions on a down curve?

Is that the love?

Words too good; too true

Kisses too sweet,

Touching

too soothing; surface seeking

Body pleasing, always needing

More, more, deeper, better

Never ceasing

To be unsatisfied is the satisfaction

Is it?

Is that it?

But he truly loves me and she, she truly wants me

There, up, down somewhere, always around.

I mean, It was meant to be,

I feel

Something, that thing

I feel different, special,

Care, something down here

I feel we are meant for each other, you know

“Meant to be together”

For real

I , I feel…

Bound?

Nothing really?

Is that the love?

On the bed, ok maybe not

On the couch,

Out on the beach

Holding hands walking the street

The movies,  cuddling

The woods, the field

The company, the gifts

The airtime evaporating;

Terminal to terminal.

The perfection

That has never promised to stay

The ‘is’ longing to become ‘was’

Is that it?

Is that the love?

You, give your passion and being ?

Is that what you trade His temple for?

Is that what you give in return for a life ended with thorns, excruciating pain and nails on the cross

The love shown to us

Is that the reason why your heart can’t fully be His?

Is that why he cries for you and keeps reaching for your heart?

Is that why you keep holding back?

Is that fair?

Isn’t that what the wise Teacher-king called meaningless?

“I denied my self nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure…and everything was meaningless, a chasing of the wind; nothing was gained under the sun”

Is that it?

Is that the love?

You give your passion and being ?

Is that what you trade My temple for?

Is that what you give in return for a life ended with thorns, excruciating pain and nails on the cross

Is that the reason why your heart can’t fully be Mine?

Is that why I cry for you and keep reaching for your heart

Is that why you keep holding back?

I love you and gave my life

To save you, to show you

I still love you, more love than you can ever give or find

“Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us”

So my heart aches for what you have now called love.

But I shall be here waiting.

I shall keep knocking.

Waiting,

For you to step out

Into my arms, fully

With your whole heart.

Why would you want to hurt me one more time?

Why won’t you just let go now, and come?

Just come!

That is it!

NB:

This is one of my very old write-ups (written about a year and half ago). Just saw it and thought I post it instead of infinitely waiting for when I'll feel like polishing and editing it to my satisfaction. So there it is..raw as then though!

How to Love

"Lord, teach us [me] to LOVE!"

Give me

Give me the right words and I'll write it in a poem.
Give me the right stage and I'll act it out boldly.
Give me the right tune and I'll sing it as a song.
Give me everything and I might forget your true value.
Give me nothing and I'll discover how much I really love you.

Unchanging

"I am YOUR friend" and YOU are probably the only one that wouldn't let my inconsistencies make YOU want to change those words. And that's why I find it so hard not to love YOU.

YOU are one - the only - thing I am sure would always be there, where you always were. And your words to me don't change when I do.

Help me to live with this consciousness that I may not expect too much from men.

Today I realized the true meaning of "unchanging love"

I Loved You, GT!

You prayed for the change you felt you needed and it didn't come but you waited.
You were constantly reminded by people and events its necessity so you persisted.
Now after so long you feel it kicking and you are no longer sure how to receive it.
It's a strange feeling...now you're kinda reluctant to accept you would still need it.

I think I'm finally changing and I want to be excited but I'm missing me so badly already.
And if actually, you find me to be different or strange, I'm sorry. I hope you would still love me. If not, I hope a voice, somewhere in your heart will say "I loved you GT!".

From Here

From here, you are fair enough so I shan't risk the mile .
From here, they are clear enough still I shan't mistake the smile.
If standing afar keeps you beautiful and smiling
Then here shall I stand;
Where little feels just enough!

Her Beauty

...And the beauty of her face shall get his admiration.
The beautiful of her mind shall be his poetry.
The beauty of her attitude shall be the intangible fragrance;
without which all other beauty fails.

My Statue Friend

I was alone, sitting on one of the benches in the park, partly shaded by a tree-which I believe was there for comfort in such lonely moments as then. After throwing out most of the pebbles I had picked from around the bench, I looked to my left and sighted a figure standing just a few steps away. The couple who just left had been blocking it. Its shape and posture was what first caught my attention. So I slowly walked to it for a better glance. I got right in front of it and looked at its face. It was female. I was suddenly elated by the expression on her still concrete face. It was a bright smile. But it seemed to be expressing more. I smiled back, stood there for a while then sat beside her. She became my new friend. After that day, I visited her very often. She always made me smile. She looked pretty old and wasn't the most beautiful of the other statues I had seen placed at different spots on the other parts of park-which most people would rather be- but I loved her. I loved her smile and I loved the way she always listened to me, whether I was sobbing or sharing my excitement. She seemed like the only person around, with whom I could feel free to be me. So I cherished that spot and hardly again visited the other side of the park. The park was no longer a place I strolled down to mostly when I felt bored, lonely or depressed and I always looked forward to being there; about the same time, almost every day.

But things suddenly changed. One early Tuesday morning, while many were yet to fully rise from their beds, I ran down to the park to say hello like I had done some other mornings. But things weren’t exactly like it used to be. I hadn’t said many words to her when I noticed the difference. She looked the same except for the smile. The smile was gone. I didn’t understand how and why. But it was gone. While I stood there trying to grasp the mystery behind what I beheld, my mouth stood still and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I hadn't finished what I was saying but it didn’t seem like she was listening anymore. I mean, she didn’t look interested. In fact the new expression on her face showed she may have been fed up with all I had been saying to her those other days when she was still smiling. I quickly ran down home with more tears rolling down as I ran. I was sad. Later that day, I decided to walk through the park on my way back home hoping my experience in the morning wasn’t real. I stood and looked from a few steps away; I didn’t go close to her like I would have done every other time. I really wished I, somehow, saw the smile again. But I didn’t. It was truly gone. However, as I sadly walked past in my disappointment, a guy (I think he was the park keeper) called me, “Son!”. I turned and he walked up to me. “She needed some work”, he said, adding that “she is one of our oldest. She has been here longer than all others in this park and needed some maintenance, especially on her face”. “Okay”, I replied-I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate response. He also told me he had noticed how regularly I came to the park to be with her and said “it’s okay pal. You’re free to keep coming. I’m here to keep her and everything else here safe. That includes those who come-by; and you”. “Thank you sir”, I replied, and quietly walked home.

Though I was glad to get an explanation as to how her smile had suddenly disappeared, we could no longer be close friends again. I could no longer talk to her like before and all the things I had said to her and all the time we had shared together now felt foolish to me. Why was I just realizing? She was just a statue! She was good company but she wasn’t actually there to be my friend. It was me who made one out of her. I had to move on. I somehow did and discovered she wasn’t the only thing that could make me happy. And she wasn’t the only good, listening and understanding friend I could have. I learned from the experience. I had to learn to be happy without her. I learned to live without her smile. Apparently, the power to smile and be happy was with me not her.

But what can I say to whoever took that smile away? Well, nothing actually. They probably didn’t know what that quaint smile meant to someone else or maybe they just didn’t care. I learned to see it as a privilege (and nothing to be prideful about) if something or someone else finds happiness and freedom to be themselves (and be as expressive as they want) with me or something I posses. I learned maturity.

I missed my statue friend and I don’t regret my moments with her and the things I had said to her. I believe she was there at that phase of my life to teach me the growth and maturity I hadn't learned from from anyone else.


"You can do without that thing you hold so dear to you, provided it does not form the essence of your being." - Pius Ile. Living With The Mindset of A Stranger

The Rain

I was inspired to write this song as an expression of the joy experienced when 'returning home' after wandering away or momentarily getting distracted from one's intimacy with the Father (God). In this lyrics, "rain" is used figuratively to refer to Gods' mercy that makes us clean again and takes us in. Hope you are inspired by it. Please drop a comment (suggestion or anything you want to say) after listening. Thanks!

Verses:
I never knew that I could stray
so far away from your embrace
I turned my back and walked away
forsook your mercy, love and grace

but never found love like You showed me
I broke your heart O' Lord I'm sorry
been with the crowd and been alone
Lord I just wan' come back home

The sky is changing, clouds are forming
your open arms are waiting for me
I feel the wind of hope and drops of mercy
I'm happy as can be
'Cos...(chorus)

Chorus:
I see the rain coming
the rain falling on me
it's gonna wipe away the stain
it's gonna wash away the shame
from me
the rain falling on me
it's gonna take away the pain
make me pure and whole again

Special thanks to Oluchukwu Chiazor (Oluchi) for doing the vocals

Lost For Gain

Could there be any words wiser
Teaching the seasons and their uninterruptible turns;
Plunging into the depth of life’s reality
And quick to catch the tears of emotion
Before they splatter into formless depression?
Shan’t we be consoled
By the very thing that did hurt;
Well, it is gone!

Though in the presence of it we found necessity
In its absence we shall yet find survival.
As long as today is blown away
By the ceaseless wind of time,
Easily or not,
The tears shall stop to flow
And life will forward go!

And when the seasons duly change,
We shall look back at the days
And remember
Those we had,
Miss those we may
And smile,
Giving tribute to those we lost.
Feeling strong again,
We shall rejoice
In the knowledge that
What we lost, we lost for gain!

Dedicated to : people, childhood and other good times, friendships, opportunities , and everything i've ever lost. Maybe not everything was lost for obviously visible good. But I believe all has contributed to who and where I am today. And though it's presently not the best that could be, i have lots of reason to say I am doing pretty good. Therefore, EVERYTHING WAS FOR GOOD!

Petal-less rose

I cry for you O beautiful one.
I cant seem to stop the tears from forming
and eventually rolling off my eyes each time i think of you.
You had beauty that tingled men's imaginations
and aroused dreams in many.
fragrace that earned secret praises and respect
from all who had a taste for purity.
you had that scent.
even before you sprouted into the view of anxious eyes
and grasp of filthy fingers.
But then, unlike now,
they couldnt see it.
their eyes were too big to.
And you,
your eyes were too small to.


i feel for you, beautiful one!
Really.
Is this what is left of you?
Dust patterns as camouflage for your lost charm;
dancing aimlessly to the rhythm of false winds of excitement;
a bid to escape the sight of the truth that now hunts you.
tell me.
I want to know.
Is this you? now petalless.
is this you
who will someday be presented to another on the isle of sincerity?


I want to hear from you, beautiful one.
What is left of you now?
What is left to have or to hold?
what love shall you claim for the one whose treasure you willfully gave to another;
and whose package you've unsealed
and selfishly traded for your own pleasure.
do you not feel any guilt?
do you not feel any shame?
or do you just not care?


I'll pray for you beautiful one.
that you do not plant yourself in the shady hedge
where darkness shall daily clothe you.
where the stregth of your stalk shall daily dwindle
and ugly hands joyfully take a share of your remnant.

But I still love you, beautiful one.
and though you've lost the beauty i once saw
i'll still call you "beautiful"
beacuse the creator hasnt called you less.