I live, I Thank You

I live
I learn
I grow
I look back
I smile

I reminisce the days
I remember my ways
I regret my stupidity
I admit my mistakes
I laugh at my 'jonesing'

I probe my strategies
I acknowledge the challenges
I review the processes
I assess the outcomes
I appreciate the experiences -

I probed love;
I discovered man can't
I questioned friendship;
I caught the trick

I sought God;
I found satisfaction
I kept seeking;
I saw more -

I look down
I realize
I am higher
I look up
I thank You!

You Know Me

"O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
...
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
...
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be "
~Psalm 139 :1-16~

Search Me...Guide Me

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
~Psalm 139:23-24~

"May my prayer be set before you like incense;
may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.
Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil,
to take part in wicked deeds
with men who are evildoers;
let me not eat of their delicacies.
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it..."
~Psalm 141: 2-5~

More

Okay...let me re-establish one fact; that I neither have an awesome voice nor possess admirable guitar skill; but those are not enough to stop me from expressing myself, especially to God.

So, here is a song I made with my guitar (which i hadn't played for ages) which at that moment had just five strings most of which were rusty...yeah, I was that determined not to let this one slip.

Be warned though, the timing is a bit inconsistent for some reason and my backup went slightly off-key a few times too, he he. Ok..enough!!! listen to it if u will.

lyrics:

verse
I've looked to the mountains
I've looked to the seas
I've looked all around me
And there's nothing I see
That compares to the greatness of your love

How can I refuse this grace that you give me
How can I explain this joy that's within my heart
For the world to understand

pre-chorus
So (Lord) fill my cup till it's overflowing
Till it's clear to every eye
And keep this light within me glowing
Till their hearts cannot deny
That this your love is so amazing;
That it heals and satisfies
Lord I'm thirsting;
I'm longing for more of you

chorus
I'm thirsty/longing/desperate for more, for more of You
To show your praise is all I wanna do
Give me more, I need more of you

Words Can't Express

It's overflowing from within me
I find myself in your presence
And I'm overwhelmed with excitement
I can't explain
Swept from my feet, I bow;
How can I not bow
How can I be silent
I forget how to be still
I loose control...I loose it all
Before you
I find pleasantness intangibly strong
No better place could I belong
My consciousness denies me
Radical humility overtakes me
ha ha ha...I don't know why I just wanna laugh
I don't know why I just have to be loud
I can't explain
But I love it here
It feels perfect!
The world ceases to exist before my being
All I see is you
And your glory overtakes my soul
I'm lost
I can't stop ha ha...
Making sounds I can't comprehend
I'm overflowing in expression
Your presence Lord, your presence
Empties and fills, breaks and heals
At the same moment
I see eternity
I see absolutely nothing else but You!
My hands want to clap
My feet want to jump
My bones want to dance
My mouth is confused;
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
My eyes twitch open and close for no reason
My lungs in unscorable rhythm
Long to exhale and inhale another
From whence comes that fragrance
From whence comes this joy!!!!
ha ha.....no words...strange words
I'm mad Lord...Lord, I'm drunk of your Presence
More Lord, More
I can't stop, I can't stop!!!!

Stop Trying!

Stop Trying!
We're too human to love

Stop looking around
'Cos you don't even really know it
And stop crying!
The "mummy loves you," love
Just can't love you enough
That vacuum you feel was made to be filled by something else;
Something that feels
Better than a kiss and the best of fleshy romance

So stop longing!
Stop wanting to be touched like no one else
'Cos no one else can reach that depth your heart craves
Oh...can't you see....
You've gotta stop waiting;
Love doesn't come in seasons, episodes, or chapters;
Stories, friends and friendships do!
But love is consistent pure and true

Love can forgive seventy times seven times in one day;
Wow!!!...who can?
Love can feel your deepest pain and heal them;
Family and loved ones can't
Love was there before the beginning and lasts forever;
Unlike nothing else
Love is God; nothing else!
Stop searching...
'Cos you can't know love
And would never find it till you really find God

Stop trying!

Cleaving

It's that side that's hidden;
No one can see
It's that side that's bleeding;
No words can heal
Barricaded, unreached
By ordinary hands
Other hearts cant feel
That's where I'm leaning

Not thirty-eighth degrees!
Not figures!
Words don't even say
But you know, Lord
Don't leave me!
See how much I'm cleaving
On this hope you give me
Yes!...No!
You can't leave me!

Only you carry my heavy side
'Cos only you can
Yes, you can
Wrap your arms around me
That all of me may stand firm
And in you
Yes Lord, you can
Only you can
I'm believing!
Lord, I'm cleaving!

One More Commandment

..and if I could add one more commandment it would be "THOU SHALT SAY NOT WHAT THOU MEANETH NOT neither out of politeness/courtesy nor seeming momentary necessity". I know it sounds pretty close to "THOU SHALT NOT LIE" but maybe having a second one to back it would reduce how much 'acceptable deception' exists in the world today.

This Love

If this is love, Lord, what was that?
It's just so different;
It's so pure; it's so meaningful
"Teach me to love" was what I asked
But Lord
This one heals
From my thoughts to my desires
It fills, it satisfies
I can't get enough

It humbles my will,
It tames my zeal,
Lord, it speaks...it really speaks!
It stills and speeds me
With each pulse it leads me
Even when I'm silent and unsure if I'm loving right
It whispers
"Just hold on...never let go,
This one is different!"

It's so inexplicably beautiful.

If this is love, Lord,
What was that?

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you...my soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me" -- Psalms 63:3, 8

Hide & Seek

Lets play 'Hide and Seek'
It's simple
We won't need the sand
You don't need a stick
You won't need to run or even speak;
Just a choice and a sneak
Without a noise and quick
If I catch you, I win!
It's simple;
It's called 'Hide and Seek'

'Hide & Seek' is a situation that emerges very often between people. It is that state in a relationship or interaction between people and/or events when there is too much more known and felt than expressed. It's like an 'everybody knows it but nobody says it' scenario; where dissent is done with perfect silence; a cowardly specie of pretense that "everything is alright if you (they) say so". And Its annoying! Especially when reasonably high familiarity exists between the parties involved. Well, sometimes it's fun to 'play along' to enjoy the other party-or parties'- act but still it's not something I love! But apparently it works for many people; they don't have to "speak up!" and risk being wrong or appearing 'weaker'. Anyways, It's a good idea to yield to the bid of pragmatism and just ''shhhhhh" if the result promises to be better. Also speaking up very regularly, i believe, reduces how valuable your expressions are sensed. Even the Bible hints that "a fool is considered wise until he speaks" and that's something note-worthy. But still, I really dislike when people make it a habit or attitude to 'hide and seek' about almost everything and effortlessly act 'cool' while the volcanoes within continually boil. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that others don't think/act like me and I shouldn't really expect them to....that's why the 'game' shall seemingly remain, to be played.

For me, experience has made me aware that there are unpleasant downsides of both ends of the rope so I've chosen to rely on the leading of the Spirit of God in me but, since I'm still learning to listen, I shan't boast of always getting it right. However, my 'un-spiritual' preference would be that people speak up about things -when it can make a necessary difference - instead of holding back and letting them get worse.

Butterfly

Be still Butterfly, be still!
Your colours are bright
But oh, your 'wonderful' flight...
Be bold Butterfly, be bold!
I feel your fear
But two steps and your trust
Is all I need from here
Believe me Butterfly, believe me!
Often I come
But oh, the way you move misleads me

Be still Butterfly, be still!
Chasing is hard;
And stillness for you
So fly Butterfly, fly!
And when you finally perch,
Spread your wings
And let your colours glow
I pray they shall be even brighter
Than the much I had a chance to know

How to Love

"Lord, teach us [me] to LOVE!"

My World (Sometimes..)

Sometimes my mind ticks and my time thinks
Sometimes my birds dance and my trees sing
Sometimes my moon and sun swap places
Sometimes I look at you and see many faces
Sometimes it's too complex for more than one mind to understand
Sometimes it really doesn't make much sense

But it's a very beautiful world I've got
Up here in my head.

I Can't Wait

I can't wait for the dawn
When I shall rise to seek you.
I can't wait to leave the noise of the day
And retire to your feet; to the sweetness of our communion.
I can't wait to share my testimony;
For in your time you make it beautiful.
I can't wait to see that child turn back to you
Tell me; what do i have to do
I can't wait to write you another song
I'll just keep singing it raw from my heart all day long.
Because, Lord. I simply can't live without you!