You Knew (...It hurts)

It kills to know that you already knew
you’d apologize and I’ll forgive you
Even before you lunched the offense.
It kills to know you knew you would
“find a way” to 'make up'
for the time you selfishly spent on things
which were to your benefit alone while I needed you
...because you knew “it would pass.”

Oh it hurts! It hurts to know you knew
I wouldn’t stay away or be silent forever,
so you went on, not caring…not bothering how I felt
because you knew it wouldn’t always be like this.
It hurts when you gently pierce my emotions
with your acquaintance of the future
because soon the blade will be withdrawn and put down,
you knew that. It Kills!

I want to blame you but how can I?
Apparently, you were right.
I forgave you, I would.
I’ll not be silent or keep away forever.
I smiled when you returned from achieving the world for yourself,
I was happy for all you achieved.
And that terrible phase…It passed, like you had anticipated.
It seemed new…a successful reconciliation, a re-acceptance.
With maturity, it didn’t hurt that bad anymore.

You were right. You won!
You used the future against me and it worked, perfectly.
Can I blame you? Or should I simply admit that
the future is a weapon available to all
and those who can hold it and use it skillfully enough
will always win, and regret little?
Probably...but it hurts…
when I’m pierced with the future.
It kills to know you will do it again and again
and again until the future changes.