I Can't Afford It

I can’t spend a second trying
To convince myself
I could give-in and survive
These schemes, distraction and things
Luring my competence
“GT, come play!”
Don’t say how much
I’ll have to pay.
Not now, not today
Anyway.
“No, you can't!” said a second, trying
My transaction.
With the complete amount within,
My mind's hands withdraw
Slowly, bowing the pitiable face,
I turn away.

“Sorry. I can’t afford it”

I can’t spend another moment listening.
They might be right,
I might consider.
I can’t afford to stay
So I walk
Away from the happiness & freedom
They offer
A good deal;
“I’m doing just as good as you,”
Even better;
"Can’t you see?
You’re a deprived version of me."
Okay. Okay, I think I agree
but still….

I can’t afford…

To steal her gift
Just because I hold it.
Then after I’ve sold it
Pretend to love her
But owe her forever.
I’m sorry,
I can’t afford it.

His grace is sufficient, efficient.
Forgiveness, enough for a life time.
It’s all mine
To receive if I ask.
How could I refuse it?
Why should I misuse it?
“Don’t abuse it!”
Was the instruction that came along.
But "We'll get even later," now lets play along,
They say, to coerce conscience.
I wish we could, more convincingly,
Prove them wrong!

But I try
To once in a while
Figure things out.
When? Why? “would I ever spend it all?”
Maybe, maybe not.
I can't foretell my lot but I'll keep all I’ve got
Till life’s December
And the next
And most probably won’t regret
How long I waited for the next page;
The Exchange.
‘Cos I really never had it all.
On a second thought
I shall always remember
My life has been bought
With a price of unearthly worth.

So I’m sorry. I can’t give it away.
Not now, not today.
I simply can’t afford it!